I’ll preface this by stating that trans women are women and trans men are men. Everything in this is my own account and my own personal feelings, not to be taken as representative of the trans community.
I agree, my only problem is that I feel like I’ll always be a trans woman trying to be a woman. Like I haven’t had the bad experiences through my entire life to qualify me to be the woman I am presenting outward to the world. Yes, being transgender is a different subset of issues to overcome, but they’re still different from what women have had to deal with their entire life. So, while I have won a battle, the war within me rages on.
When you grow a pair of ovaries is when you might qualify as an actual adult human female, i.e., as a woman. Do keep us all posted on your progress towards that goal ...
You don’t have to endure misogyny to “earn” being a woman. I lived as a cis-passing girl/woman for 34 years and tbh I didn’t really encounter much that I could chalk up to being intentional misogyny, and that could totally be because I would not have seen it through the lens of being female since I actually wasn’t. I’ve since transitioned to male. My point is, the experiences that a lot of women talk about are not universal to all women.
Believe me, I know I don’t have to endure anything, this is just part of the tangled ball of yarn or the attempt to herd the kittens running rampant in my mind. It’s the little nagging part in the back of my mind which is only fueled by the irrational hatred of us that we see daily on the news. It is something I speak with my therapist about as it is part of what drives me to try to “pass” as much as possible which wasn’t helped by starting at a relatively older age. I’m sure the years of trying to be male and repress my dysphoria didn’t help me, but I keep living my life the way I want to, and to me, that is a big middle finger to the transphobes. ☺️
I want to second this - what the terfs try to do is especially destructive in creating a monolithic class of woman that I would argue is white and western. Even within western culture this ideology is so destructive because it erases all of the different subcultures and especially differently abled women.
And, I empathize with you Justine because there is this push and pull in my mind to always prove myself and it's relatively neurotic in me. Ironically, it's this insecurity and self doubt that connects us to other women running on estrogen.
This is the first time I've seen a trans person have any respect for the unique experiences of women. I'm sorry that you're struggling, but I greatly appreciate your consideration. I hope you find the peace you deserve.
There are negative experiences on both aspects. Cis women have been dealing with it their whole life and it’s a constant struggle. Trans women get to experience a different kind of oppression. Not only do they get to get hit with misogyny, but they also get the joy of dealing with people who hate them for no reason other than their own ignorance. It’s like there is a need to catch them up for all the years of oppression they missed out on.
As for me, I’m fine, as I said, it’s all internalized transphobia that tells me I’m not good enough. It’s also what drives me to do everything I can to eliminate my dysphoria. So rather than give up, it drives me to keep going. My existence is my own protest to those who want us to go away. My own little, “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”
I love this! Even though I'm still in the thick of my "fighting" it's still a good reminder to not regress and end up re-fighting the same battles again and again.
I have already caught myself doing this already, trying to re-convince myself of some eloquent argument that will "at last put it all to rest". But really, the entire time the simplest and most genuine answer is: _this makes me happy and I feel my love for myself (and others) increasing for the first time in decades_. That speaks with the weight of lived experience and authenticity, and has become my go-to for all of my own doubts.
I look forward to those days when the inner struggles and triggers are quieted and I can "relax" into that complete authenticity. But I'm also not waiting for that time ("A life spent waiting for tomorrow will be filled with a lot of empty yesterdays," right?), but working to flex and build those muscles right now, too.
Again, thank you for such a wonderfully hopeful nudge to reflect and reminder to ground ourselves in gratitude for the beautiful life that we lead.
Love this. 😭 reframing it as the being occasionally misgendered/etc being *their* battles to fight (internally) and not mine, that’s so good. Have to leave that behind.
Thank you. I maybe needed to hear that. 🫶 I'm in this state where I have "arrived" in my life - but I still catch myself recounting the wins because for some reason I sometimes can't really believe I'm there yet.
And online I often feel like telling people how wrong they are about us trans women who are further along. How no one in the real world really cares anymore ... I can't remember when I have been misgendered the last time. Like most other women around me, I have stopped wearing makeup every day, I'm happy when I can get out of my bra (unlike in the beginnings), basically life has just becomes normal ... Being a lesbian and/or in lesbian relationships/a lesbian mother has more impact overall than being trans.
I’ll preface this by stating that trans women are women and trans men are men. Everything in this is my own account and my own personal feelings, not to be taken as representative of the trans community.
I agree, my only problem is that I feel like I’ll always be a trans woman trying to be a woman. Like I haven’t had the bad experiences through my entire life to qualify me to be the woman I am presenting outward to the world. Yes, being transgender is a different subset of issues to overcome, but they’re still different from what women have had to deal with their entire life. So, while I have won a battle, the war within me rages on.
When you grow a pair of ovaries is when you might qualify as an actual adult human female, i.e., as a woman. Do keep us all posted on your progress towards that goal ...
You don’t have to endure misogyny to “earn” being a woman. I lived as a cis-passing girl/woman for 34 years and tbh I didn’t really encounter much that I could chalk up to being intentional misogyny, and that could totally be because I would not have seen it through the lens of being female since I actually wasn’t. I’ve since transitioned to male. My point is, the experiences that a lot of women talk about are not universal to all women.
Believe me, I know I don’t have to endure anything, this is just part of the tangled ball of yarn or the attempt to herd the kittens running rampant in my mind. It’s the little nagging part in the back of my mind which is only fueled by the irrational hatred of us that we see daily on the news. It is something I speak with my therapist about as it is part of what drives me to try to “pass” as much as possible which wasn’t helped by starting at a relatively older age. I’m sure the years of trying to be male and repress my dysphoria didn’t help me, but I keep living my life the way I want to, and to me, that is a big middle finger to the transphobes. ☺️
I want to second this - what the terfs try to do is especially destructive in creating a monolithic class of woman that I would argue is white and western. Even within western culture this ideology is so destructive because it erases all of the different subcultures and especially differently abled women.
And, I empathize with you Justine because there is this push and pull in my mind to always prove myself and it's relatively neurotic in me. Ironically, it's this insecurity and self doubt that connects us to other women running on estrogen.
This is the first time I've seen a trans person have any respect for the unique experiences of women. I'm sorry that you're struggling, but I greatly appreciate your consideration. I hope you find the peace you deserve.
There are negative experiences on both aspects. Cis women have been dealing with it their whole life and it’s a constant struggle. Trans women get to experience a different kind of oppression. Not only do they get to get hit with misogyny, but they also get the joy of dealing with people who hate them for no reason other than their own ignorance. It’s like there is a need to catch them up for all the years of oppression they missed out on.
As for me, I’m fine, as I said, it’s all internalized transphobia that tells me I’m not good enough. It’s also what drives me to do everything I can to eliminate my dysphoria. So rather than give up, it drives me to keep going. My existence is my own protest to those who want us to go away. My own little, “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”
I love this! Even though I'm still in the thick of my "fighting" it's still a good reminder to not regress and end up re-fighting the same battles again and again.
I have already caught myself doing this already, trying to re-convince myself of some eloquent argument that will "at last put it all to rest". But really, the entire time the simplest and most genuine answer is: _this makes me happy and I feel my love for myself (and others) increasing for the first time in decades_. That speaks with the weight of lived experience and authenticity, and has become my go-to for all of my own doubts.
I look forward to those days when the inner struggles and triggers are quieted and I can "relax" into that complete authenticity. But I'm also not waiting for that time ("A life spent waiting for tomorrow will be filled with a lot of empty yesterdays," right?), but working to flex and build those muscles right now, too.
Again, thank you for such a wonderfully hopeful nudge to reflect and reminder to ground ourselves in gratitude for the beautiful life that we lead.
so so good and relatable, thank you for this! <3
Thank you for this - I feel like it's written for and about me. This morning is hard and I needed this message 💖. Time to live.
Wow! A wonderful insight…and for me, very timely…thank you!
Love this. 😭 reframing it as the being occasionally misgendered/etc being *their* battles to fight (internally) and not mine, that’s so good. Have to leave that behind.
Wonderful piece.
Thank you. I maybe needed to hear that. 🫶 I'm in this state where I have "arrived" in my life - but I still catch myself recounting the wins because for some reason I sometimes can't really believe I'm there yet.
And online I often feel like telling people how wrong they are about us trans women who are further along. How no one in the real world really cares anymore ... I can't remember when I have been misgendered the last time. Like most other women around me, I have stopped wearing makeup every day, I'm happy when I can get out of my bra (unlike in the beginnings), basically life has just becomes normal ... Being a lesbian and/or in lesbian relationships/a lesbian mother has more impact overall than being trans.