I am relieved to hear a positive childhood story from a trans woman. Our daughter has had a lovely childhood, and when she decided to transition, we went all in. It was easier for her than it was for us, and we have moved to Canada in hopes that it will remain easier for her. I hope she sees women like you, Ari, who are willing to say that transitioning wasn't a result of trauma, but a result of a search for wholeness and joy, so that she can embrace the beauty that is her own. Thank you for sharing.
My daughter, who is educating me in entities like you, whether you are an actual human or a bot, would say that you are either a chaser or an egg. You don’t have to answer to one or the other, I am just sharing what I think about your post in reply to my post.🙄
this fucking HITS. the bit about watching your life from roughly six inches behind your head, always aware of some form of perspective dissonance between who you want to see and who you're seeing, is so clearly how I feel now. It's monumentally unfair that the burden of proving our joy - in childhoods especially - falls on us at the moment. I empathize so much with everything you put forward this piece, and I also want to take time to recognize that societally, we never should've gotten to a place in which us trans folk had to get so practiced about our Grand Life Story™ that we're subtly optimizing it to better fit expected narratives.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I don't mean to sound too parasocial, I just really appreciate the levels of honesty and authenticity in your work.
the internal rot that compels you to be this is way never going to go away, you know. if you continue to indulge your own frustrations, you will remain a joyless husk approximating a human. I am at least choosing, proactively, to live. You will never be able to make that choice, because, when confronted with reality. your world fits inside your head but it is not the world
As you said, words mean things, so here's some: take your sad, pathetic ass out of here and go touch some grass. Maybe consider doing something to add some value into the world, instead of further diminishing it.
My childhood was similar. Somewhat. I wasn't extravagantly popular. I was an introvert, bullied plenty though not in excess. The girl was there the whole time; peaking through the surface. More at certain times. Less so at others. But I managed to make "boy" work well enough to convince a crowd that maybe didn't need *that much* convincing.
I don't often tell my story, but those who do hear it will not hear about the joys I worked so hard to scratch away from the bare rock. And the people who knew me by that facade likely leverage those memories against my legitimacy.
I've always wondered if I would find someone who felt about their childhood and adolescence the same way I felt about mine. I had a good near two decades of life that was followed up by another decade of not understanding why I didn't feel like a real person and that I was keeping up a life waiting for someone else to come and take it over. It feels so wrong that I didn't externally suffer enough to warrant throwing away a life that looks so enviable to the outside world. Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to me right now.
This is so about neuropathways and how the hard stuff does have a natural pull anyhow--it's what the brain wants to fix. And then the hard stuff is how we identify, how we belong, in a world that too often hates trans people. And yet true belonging is bringing all of who we are. Not having to leave any part of ourselves outside in order to find acceptance.
My experience is the opposite of yours--my childhood was at least 90% trauma, and for most of my life many people wanted nothing to do with that. Once I could have the hard heard, I found I could strengthen the pathways of joy and support (without toxic positivity or minimization), which did also happen. I can titrate.
Really, in the end, it's about holding all of what happened, all of who we are, until we can let the weight of it go and become lighter. Become light.
I am relieved to hear a positive childhood story from a trans woman. Our daughter has had a lovely childhood, and when she decided to transition, we went all in. It was easier for her than it was for us, and we have moved to Canada in hopes that it will remain easier for her. I hope she sees women like you, Ari, who are willing to say that transitioning wasn't a result of trauma, but a result of a search for wholeness and joy, so that she can embrace the beauty that is her own. Thank you for sharing.
My daughter, who is educating me in entities like you, whether you are an actual human or a bot, would say that you are either a chaser or an egg. You don’t have to answer to one or the other, I am just sharing what I think about your post in reply to my post.🙄
I'm sorry you have to deal with bigoted people like this one
Why are you reading a trans page? Repper much?
You are an aspiring representative of the devil. You also butcher my beautiful mother tongue & are probably ugly.
this fucking HITS. the bit about watching your life from roughly six inches behind your head, always aware of some form of perspective dissonance between who you want to see and who you're seeing, is so clearly how I feel now. It's monumentally unfair that the burden of proving our joy - in childhoods especially - falls on us at the moment. I empathize so much with everything you put forward this piece, and I also want to take time to recognize that societally, we never should've gotten to a place in which us trans folk had to get so practiced about our Grand Life Story™ that we're subtly optimizing it to better fit expected narratives.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I don't mean to sound too parasocial, I just really appreciate the levels of honesty and authenticity in your work.
the internal rot that compels you to be this is way never going to go away, you know. if you continue to indulge your own frustrations, you will remain a joyless husk approximating a human. I am at least choosing, proactively, to live. You will never be able to make that choice, because, when confronted with reality. your world fits inside your head but it is not the world
As you said, words mean things, so here's some: take your sad, pathetic ass out of here and go touch some grass. Maybe consider doing something to add some value into the world, instead of further diminishing it.
My childhood was similar. Somewhat. I wasn't extravagantly popular. I was an introvert, bullied plenty though not in excess. The girl was there the whole time; peaking through the surface. More at certain times. Less so at others. But I managed to make "boy" work well enough to convince a crowd that maybe didn't need *that much* convincing.
I don't often tell my story, but those who do hear it will not hear about the joys I worked so hard to scratch away from the bare rock. And the people who knew me by that facade likely leverage those memories against my legitimacy.
Thank you for sharing this.
My story also I didn't really fit in but I wasn't overtly bullied.
I've always wondered if I would find someone who felt about their childhood and adolescence the same way I felt about mine. I had a good near two decades of life that was followed up by another decade of not understanding why I didn't feel like a real person and that I was keeping up a life waiting for someone else to come and take it over. It feels so wrong that I didn't externally suffer enough to warrant throwing away a life that looks so enviable to the outside world. Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to me right now.
Well that was a beautiful and perspective-shifting read. Thank you.
thanks for telling this, this felt so personal...the bullying reminds me of my own childhood
This is so about neuropathways and how the hard stuff does have a natural pull anyhow--it's what the brain wants to fix. And then the hard stuff is how we identify, how we belong, in a world that too often hates trans people. And yet true belonging is bringing all of who we are. Not having to leave any part of ourselves outside in order to find acceptance.
My experience is the opposite of yours--my childhood was at least 90% trauma, and for most of my life many people wanted nothing to do with that. Once I could have the hard heard, I found I could strengthen the pathways of joy and support (without toxic positivity or minimization), which did also happen. I can titrate.
Really, in the end, it's about holding all of what happened, all of who we are, until we can let the weight of it go and become lighter. Become light.
Heartbreakingly beautiful and well expressed. Thanks so much for sharing.